Shock can be very shocking, but it’s fleeting.  A big part of my life changed but a few weeks ago.  At first I was so daunted by its weight, I didn’t understand HOW or WHY or the answer to those questions in the context of LIFE NOW.  There was no LIFE NOW, there was waiting, to wake up.  But I couldn’t wake up.
And things were happening that I had to go on with.  I talked to the part of my brain that wants to just wallow.  I told it that it could do that later as much as it wanted but I needed some time to do a thing.  It relented.  I had to talk to other parts of my brain.  But I got there and the thing got done.

And then, when it had its time, that part of my brain didn’t want to wallow any more. And so I didn’t.  And that was it, pretty much.  Things can feel weird at times, but, I feel like myself again.  I feel like a person again.  I have a life and I am living it, and things feel fine, things feel comfortable, and things feel normal.  I’ve adjusted.

I even went on to feeling happy again, good about things.

If I’m honest, I haven’t entirely given up hope of waking up, but I’m not waiting for it.